Kanashimi
by fuuchouin kadzuki
Summary: Just a story about Kazuki when he's waiting for Soushi.


**Warning:** _shounen-ai_, spoiler until episode 25.  
**Pairing:** soukazu  
**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I don't own _Soukyuu__ no__ Fafner -Dead Aggressor-_. If I own it, I'm not gonna let Soushi disappeared!  
**A/N:** I made this fic when I was waiting for my class. Well, I was gonna continue my _Hagaren_ fic. But since I didn't have any idea and didn't feel to write it, then suddenly it through my head that why didn't I make Fafner fic. And at last, I post it after so long forgotten in my notebook. I just so busy with my _Hagaren_ fic so I didn't have time to type this fic from my note book.

I was really sad when Soushi disappeared. Hell, I even cried twice because of it. The first one was when he's kidnapped and they're thought that he's dead. The second one was when he's disappeared. NO…SOUSHIII…

I was hysterical like Kazuki on that scene, the difference was I didn't shout but calling his name like Kazuki did while crying. Soushi hiks… (crying again) Kazuki's face was really in pain and I really understand his feeling. And the songs, they're so beautiful and sad. Fafner is a really good anime, but WHY Soushi must disappeared! WHY!

Okay, enough of my blabber. Sorry about that, I was too upset because of Fafner ending. Let's back to the fic!

I knew this fic's a bit strange, coz my mind still in mess because of Soushi when I made this fic. But I hope you like it. And I used the song because I thought it matched Kazuki's and Soushi's feelings. Hope you guys enjoy this fic of mine. So, review please!

Special thanks to **Mitsuki** whom beta'ed this fic. Thank you so much, Mitsuki-chan! I really owe you. And to **Tokiya** who supported me to finish this fic. Thanks, honey!

_Kimi__ ni aitakute  
__Dare yori mo aitakute  
__Mou__ ichido kono te o tsunaide hoshii_

_- Kimi ni Aitakute by Gackt -_

**_Kanashimi_**

_by__ Okita Souji_

_Anata__ wa soko ni imasu ka…_

Kazuki's POV -

The weather's so warm and comforting. Gentle winds caress my body like a mother comforting her child. Cool air floats around, the mir of this island, where Tsubaki-chan is always with us, watching us. The sound of waves can be heard and it feels relaxing. But even in this warm surrounding, I still feel cold inside.

I'm sitting at the port, staring at the blue sky, a very blue and bright sky. An azure. A word that always reminds me about someone whom I'm always thinking of. Someone that I'm waiting for and believe he's gonna return to me. Soushi…the most precious person to me.

It's been a year since the last war between human race and the festums, and it's been a year since the Azure operation. An operation to save him, to bring him back to our side, to my side. But in the end, I lost him. _Kedo__, Soushi wa koko ni iru…zutto ore no kokoro no naka ni iru nda_. I'll never forget that time when he disappeared, when his body slowly disappeared into mir. I'll never forget his words, his promise…and his kiss. That was, the first and the last kiss from him. I know it's not really a kiss coz he kissed me through the Siegfried System, his body wasn't really there. He just kissed me softly through his projection right before he vanished. But for me, it's the most precious first kiss, that I'm gonna treasured forever. The goodbye kiss, the seal of a promise kiss, and the love kiss. All his feelings were spoken through that soft kiss. That's why, since then I am always waiting for him here, at his favorite spot, at the side of the Port of Tatsunomiya Island, right beside the sea. Because if I believe that he's gonna return, he's really gonna return to meet me again. He's already promised and I'm gonna wait for him forever. We're gonna be together again like before, in this peaceful era.

Yes, we won the last war and the festums never attacked or appeared again. Our lives on Tatsunomiya Island were back to normal. Of course, Alvis is still there, but it's not the same. We're going to school again, playing with friends, punished by teachers because we didn't do our homework or made trouble at school. Back at home we're helping our parents and talking with them at ease, sometimes even reminiscence about war times. It's like going back to our paradise again, except for me someone's missing. It feels like an empty paradise without his presence.

We'd lost so many in that war, I lost so many. I don't want to lose anyone again, so I will treasure this peaceful time. But still, my biggest lost was him. He had saved me so many times, so why I couldn't save him? He always protected me, guided me, felt my pains in the battlefield, understand me. Even when sometimes he looked cold and cruel, but inside, he really just sad and lost liked everyone else. He just did what he must do. He would take all our pain from the battlefields, which he felt too from the Siegfried System, inside himself. He always suffered by himself. He already had big responsibilities since he was a kid, when the rest of us were still innocent kids who knew nothing about the reality of this world. His burdens, as the former commander of Alvis' son, made him act strict, to protect all of us. But me, who lived freely and naïve at that time, had misunderstood him once, because I didn't know him. That's why I left the island to see the world with my own eyes, to see what Soushi had seen, to understand him. After I had seen it, I finally understand him, had the same thought as him, to protect our paradise at all costs.

I could survive those battles because I had my friends. But the most important reason was because he always fought with me. Our same wills and thoughts always gave me strength, because I knew that I wasn't alone. I always had him to take care of me. And I would take care of him too. But what have I done for him? Nothing. I couldn't save him at all. I was always haunted by this guilty feeling. My biggest pain was that I couldn't do anything for him, couldn't save him. So now I can only wait for him, that's all I can do for him. And when he comes back, I'm gonna do everything to atone for my sins. And I'm gonna confess my feelings for him that I couldn't tell him before. I don't want to regret it for a second time.

While I'm waiting like this, sometimes I thought I would want to go to his place to meet him, to mir. But I don't know how to go there, it made me frustrated. Why at that time, the festum didn't take me too, so at least I could be with him. I know my friends and my father will be sad. And I know that it's very egoist of me to think like that. But I can't stand it, not being with him, can't feel him, can't touch him, and can't talk with him. I would prefer to disappear with him into mir than alone without him in this paradise. But I know I can't do that. I have to think about other people to, especially my father. I'm the only one he has. I can't leave him like that just because of my egoist wish. Well, at least I'm not really alone on this island, although I feel empty inside. But my heart's feeling warm, because Soushi is there. _Dakara__…onegai, Soushi…onegai, ore no ibashou ni modotte, ore no soba ni modotte kudasai. Soshite, ore ni "boku wa koko ni iru yo, Kazuki" to tsutaete kudasai, Soushi. __Ore__ wa koko de omae o matte iru ndakara…zutto… _(1)

Toomi's POV -

Today, Kazuki-kun went to the port again. He's been like that since he came back from the Azure Operation, since Minashiro-kun disappeared. I feel that he always cried in pain because of his lost and I couldn't do anything. It made me sad, but the one who can make him happy isn't me. His longing and painful expressions always made my heart cries, so I'm gonna do what I can do. Even if the only thing I can do is support him and be by his side when he needs someone. I'll always look after him from afar.

I know that somewhere Minashiro-kun must be suffering too because he can't be with Kazuki-kun. That's why, Minashiro-kun, please return soon, because we're all waiting, because Kazuki-kun is waiting, so both of you can ease your pain. So you can tell to Kazuki-kun that you're here and won't leave him again.

**Owari**

(1) That's why…please, Soushi…please come back to my place, please come back to my side. And then, Soushi, please tell me "I'm here, Kazuki". Because I'll be waiting for you here…forever…

Well, how is it? Hope you like it. Do you want me to continue this fic or not? If you guys want me to continue, I'm gonna continue. But if not, it's gonna be one-shot only just like this. Because I still confuse whether I should continue or not…

So, please tell what do you want and review please!

_- Souji -_


End file.
